I’ve spent and devoted half of my life serving God through YFC Community. Having to reminisce on God’s call to love, I have never come to imagine how a mere YES and the act of accepting Jesus in my life upon joining that youth camp would change my life tremendously. All I ever wanted was to serve Him by giving the best of myself in all ways possible. Holding on to Jesus’ promise to “Seek first the Kingdom of God and everything shall be added unto you”, has instilled such courage and confidence for me to be braver and go on. I was contented on serving God as an active member of Youth for Christ. I never dreamed nor did I ever see myself as a leader in the community as I figured that I was more of a follower than a leader. But my ways are not God’s ways. God did not want me to settle where I was and I knew it too deep inside my heart. He knew that my passion was to have a redirection to pave the way for a certain mission.
It never dawned on me that the follower in me, would grow into a leader. But it was not my decision after all – but God’s. Just like everybody else, I was afraid of the responsibilities given and yet to be given to me, the expectations from people, as I was terrified that I may fail them. Amidst the fear lingering in my heart, it was through God’s grace that I was able to move forward and bear the responsibility He has entrusted me, surrounding me with people who have believed in my capacity even at my worst, and eventually brought out the best in me. That YES that I have given to God took me to a greater YES with His love and found home in the community. God brought me to places I’ve never imagined I could have been to and met awesome people with hearts for God and for mission. I couldn’t ask for more.
However, it is for a fact that the closer you’re drawn to God, more temptations arise to distract and destroy you. I have my own inner struggles in life and I have wrestled against them for a long time. Countless are the days I have doubted myself and tried to abandon the path God has set for me. I was ashamed of my sins. I lived a double life and wasn’t able to live with integrity and commitment. But then I realized, with all of these pains I have caused Him, to others and mine, God remains. There is nothing that I have done that made Him stop loving me. He is the only one I can turn to when all else fails, the only one who loves the most unlovable part of myself, and the only one who is willing to stoop down to pick me up when I’m at my lowest.
God is a persistent pursuer. The more I reject His love, the more He exhibits his deep mercy and affection towards me. This persistent love of God has grown tangible through the presence and selflessness of my couple coordinators and leaders in the community. All I ever need is to be vulnerable and accept their helping hands. Their stories of trials and triumphs became my source of inspiration and hope to become better, to rise above, to give what is best for the mission and to deepen my relationship with God. Those sparked my desire to also journey and to listen to the stories of my members and behold God’s faithfulness in their lives. After all the undeserved graces I’ve received from God, the only best act of gratitude I could think of was to give my whole life to Him.
With this, I wholeheartedly accepted every reality God has presented to me.
However, when my father died a year before I graduated, it changed the course of my discernment. I decided to work as a high school teacher for two years to attend the needs of my family especially for my mom and within those years, I came up to discern two major events in my life – to take the board exam and be a missionary in the community or to enter priesthood. I had a bargain with God that if he will allow me to be a full-fledged psychometrician, I will consider pursuing priesthood. The very reason I wanted to include that discernment was to prune and purify my desire to be a full time pastoral worker.
Lo and behold, God made His promise and paved the way for my discernment journey. I joined a vocation discernment seminar organized by the Jesuits and it had truly helped me to see God in everything and to determine His will in my life.
My heart was filled with gratitude and praises to God for allowing me to go through that process. I can boldly attest that He is indeed a personal God who speaks the language of our hearts. Every part of our journey with Him, whether it may seem to be a delay or something pointless, plays an essential role to encounter His presence. After much discernment, God revealed my burning desire to be part of fulfilling the vision of Couples of Christ and Youth for Christ.
I have always been captivated and moved into tears how God faithfully works in the community after all what it went through. I am blessed to be God’s CFC missionary. At all times, in all circumstances, God is first!
