When I was young, I used to hear that GOD is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. However, it took time before I was able to embrace the truth since people would usually say forget the past, live in the present and be excited for the future. Thus, forces us to forget about the beginning since it forms part of our past. I know we all have something; we are not so proud about that we just want to bury it forever. I too have those so called “not so wise” decisions before that led me from one wrong decision to another which made me very insecure, selfish and pessimistic.
I remember begging to God and asked Him to forget about those decisions, have amnesia or just die since I was too broken, too tired and too afraid to face my mistakes then. Nothing was going right for me during that time. I felt I had no one to run and rely on to. I felt very alone that I started blaming God for everything: the brokenness of my family, our financial difficulties, my trust issues due to painful memories, betrayal of men in my life, lost friendships & unworthiness after having an impure relationship.
I asked Him, “Lord, why me? I really tried to live a good life by praying and attending mass regularly. Also, why are all men in my life not man enough to stand up and protect me? It’s unfair! ”After asking all those questions and unloading all those emotions, there was that comforting peace and silence flooded me, then God spoke gently as if He was smiling to me with eyes full of love and understanding, He then asked me in return “Glis, Am I not man enough for you? ”
My heart pierced with so much shame because for the first time, I was able to truly recognize how much God loves me. He was there all along waiting for me to see Him. He actually never left even if I was out there distracted and He didn’t plan to leave me alone. I was too focused on what I was going through, what I’ve lost, how hurt I was, and what people might say that I wasn’t able to give God a chance to love and help me.
That moment, God’s invitation to go back to Him became clear, and by His grace, I was able to said YES. His invitation paved the way for my life to begin again. A life to live through and with Him always. A life filled with love and full of hope. A life that isn’t easy yet worth living and fighting for. God assured me from Exodus 33:14 that I will never be alone and that He will give me victory, a life verse I constantly hold on to.
Going back to the very beginning where it all started and looking back to our past shouldn’t cripple us, rather it should enable us to see how far God’s grace has brought us and keep us hopeful on how further He can take us. As I look at the scars of my past, I smile not because I’m proud of my sinfulness but because I remembered God’s victorious love and promise even when I was a mess. His love paved the way for me to become a saved sinner, renewed Christian and even a fulltime missionary. Can you imagine that? Someone broken will help fix others brokenness? How crazy is that! But God is a miracle worker indeed! It has been years now since then, and I am amazed of how God has done so much for me and my family and those people around me and who were still constantly in awe of how He is still at work in all things. It is by grace alone that I am where I am right now. Indeed, God is my Alpha and Omega, my beginning and end, and everything in between. He is the God of our every journey who walks with us in our past, present and future. He is the same God yesterday, today and tomorrow. My prayer is that may we all live to witness those truths in our lives. God loves you!
