“I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm. Plans for a future full of hope.” Sounds familiar? I bet you heard this a lot. Let me tell you about the story of my plan versus God’s plan. Ever since I was a child all I wanted to become was someone successful in her own field. Someone that could be recognized by people because of how smart and hardworking she was. I wanted to be a woman who always plans ahead. I always wanted assurance. I wanted to find my niche and quickly get to the top as soon as possible.
I was working on my ‘plan’ already when I felt that the Lord was shaking and calling me. I tried to ignore that call once again and insisted to myself that I am where I was supposed to be and told everyone of how big my dream was. I was making my own plans, started to take control of my own life and made decisions based on what I think was logical and practical. I kept telling the Lord in my prayers that I am unfit for what He was asking me to do and that what I am doing that time was what I really wanted to do. During prayer times, I would highlight to Him, why I thought I cannot be a missionary. I am not from a family of devout Catholics, I only know about sacraments through school teachings and don’t even know what it stands for. I am not for a second humble, I always boast and low-key uplifts myself in front of other people, subtle fishing for their compliments. I don’t even know how I am going to defend my faith. It’s just I think I know I have faith but I still don’t know how to live it. So then again, I told the Lord, I can serve Him through other ways even if He was saying that this is how He wants me to serve Him.
After graduating, I started to feel more anxious and confused at the same time. Whenever I’m talking to my leaders and members during households and one-on-ones, I felt confused on what I really wanted to do in my life even if everything was actually going the way I planned it. I started to feel that specific hunger for something I didn’t know. But then, it was just a simple verse, my life verse, which was found on the first talk of the YFC-Youth camp that the Lord reminded me and called me lovingly again. This time with a voice louder and clearer, I was already crying as I surrendered to Him. I remembered praying and asking Him to make me more obedient and patient for the things He was asking me to do because I know He understands how stubborn and prideful I am. I remember feeling that sense of calmness and serenity when I just trusted the Lord to take control.
The missionary journey was not just a walk in the park. It was exactly what my training head told me, “Ang misyon ay para sa matitibay ang puso.” Everyday I am always called to discern, to pray and to build relationships. It took off my mask of perfection that I carefully wrapped around myself. It tore down my walls of pride and allowed me to ask for help and apologize when I have to. It made me more trusting of “HIS” bigger plans than my own plans. It allowed me to embrace the weaknesses that I have and developed it to be a kind of strength that I can use to help people.
I often ask myself, what makes a heart so strong, that it can withstand 
any negativity that tries to penetrate it? It was a difficult question that I always find myself pondering. But I guess the answer was just simple, behind a strong heart is the powerful and unyielding love of God. It was already planted there even before we had the chance to acknowledge it. It renews, empowers and transforms us to be a better version of ourselves.
Yes, I am still afraid. Yes, sometimes I still can have pride within. Yes, there are some of my carefully laden plans that will fail. I would feel anxious and nervous but I believe that God’s plan is just perfect. He already knows what is supposed to happen the moment He called me. He already has bigger plans for me to be able to prosper and live that future full hope. As long as I am centered to Him and listen carefully to His plans everything will work out more than fine.
