My journey with the Lord started 9 years ago when I became a Youth for Christ. Since then, my whole life has been dedicated into serving Him. Through my growing involvement in this community, I have been a witness of how the Lord really works.
I was a graduating student in college when I was constantly encouraged to become a full-time pastoral worker. The seed of desire to become a full-time pastoral worker that has long been planted was slowly growing. It was in the year 2018 that I’ve decided to undergo the training for mission volunteer because I wanted to purify my heart and have a deeper discernment as to why being a full-time pastoral worker was striking to me. May of 2018 came for our initial interview. After the interview, I often felt confused between my own voice versus the Lord’s voice, whether it was my own desires for happiness and fulfillment alone or it was truly the Lord’s desires for me. The calling was not yet clear to me. Since that moment, I started to immerse myself in the presence of the Lord. I prayed a lot. My prayers were persistent. And I always asked the Lord if my desire to become a full-time pastoral worker is aligned with His will. It was also that time that I started to be doubtful if it’s really for me. I felt insecure of my capabilities and skills and I was afraid that it won’t be enough for the mission.
It became even more difficult for me. My mother forced me to apply in the corporate world, even though she knew that I was undergoing the training as a missionary. She pushed me to have a practical mindset. And yes, it triggered me not to continue in the missionary life because our family’s status and mostly, of financial instability. Torn between continuing as a missionary or to proceed in corporate world, I didn’t give up. I continued to pray believing to trust His process.
I asked the Lord, “If it’s really Your will for me to become a full-time pastoral worker, then please tell my mother.” So, I prayed harder. And the Lord made His way. My mother allowed me to pursue on my missionary life and so much unexpected blessings came. Still, I was bombarded with anxious feelings and I was not confident enough with myself. I was looking for a clearer answer. And a time came when we were attending mass and the gospel was: Christ is always in our midst inviting us to touch Him and believe Him. Trust the Lord and do not be afraid. But the Lord didn’t end there. His voice was clear and loud, saying, “In every moment of doubts, continue to give the Lord your yes and He will reveal His greater plan.” I felt like crying because I knew it was the Lord speaking to me. After that, I surrendered. It all boils down to obedience and I said yes. I became a Fulltime Pastoral Worker because He has chosen me and called me. Who am I to answer “no”?
Now, it has been a year since I became a Fulltime Pastoral Worker, a living witness that God is very generous and a God of clarity despite the challenges and uncertain moments that I’ve experienced. I’ve never expected that God would lead me in the missionary life. A life that I could only dream of before; all because of God’s grace. In all of the things that have happened, God molded me to trust Him more which gave me all the more reason to fall on my knees in surrender. Despite having these challenges, sufferings and tribulations, they are nothing compared to the joy of being a missionary. I have come to realize that surrendering and sacrificing for the Lord makes the journey more fruitful and meaningful. Finally, I realized that it is always a journey with the Lord. So, when God calls, just say yes. Because it is not us, but it is the Lord. And it’s always with Him, for Him and in Him.
