“Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”
– St. Augustine of Hippo
This quote has always reminded me of how the Lord transformed me into the person I am today. When I was young, I thought faith was simply about praying. As I’ve grown and matured, I realized that it’s more than praying, faith is trusting the Lord even you don’t see and understand. Perhaps for most of us, it’s a crazy thought; how can we even trust something that is uncertain and unknown? It seems odd for some, but that’s how God made Himself tangible in my life when he called me to take a leap of faith, and become a missionary.
Back in my senior year of college, I had plans in mind on what to do after graduation—pass the board exams, find a stable job where I can hone my profession as a nurse, help my family, and serve the Lord in any way possible. I want to have a clear vision of the path where I am going, and I am determined to fulfill those dreams. Faithful as He has always been, God eventually answered my prayer. My dreams for my family started to flourish; I passed the board exams and got a job easily. Everything was, at the time, overwhelming. I felt how much I was loved and favored by the Lord.
As I was starting to embrace the opportunities that were waiting ahead of me, it seemed that my excitement was not the same. I was searching for joy in what I was doing; it felt that there was a something missing. Along the way, I realized that I was seeking for direction and purpose in my life. It was a moment of disturbance. I thought I was already on the right path because everything seemed to be in its place, but why wasn’t I at peace? I was consumed by fears and my mind was filled with questions. Then I asked the Lord, “Where are you leading me?” I didn’t hear a clear answer, but I knew in my heart that the Lord was leading me to something uncertain and unfamiliar.
I was full of myself, and was afraid to let go of my comfortable and secure life. But my heart was stirred because the Lord was loud in His invitation. Above all those worries, it was that familiar voice of God that kept on echoing in my mind and heart. I still had my fears, conditions, and ambitions, but I bravely recognized God’s invitation. It was only at that moment where I found peace; that even if I am not sure where God was leading me, I am assured that it was the path that will lead me to His purpose. It was that leap of faith that made me realize how true and faithful is the Lord to His promises. He never forgets. He always knows what is best for us.
In pursuit of my purpose, it was God that I found. I never knew that I would become a missionary until I said YES to Him. Even now, I still ask the same questions and dwell on my fears and realities in life. It’s not an easy journey, but it was God’s faithfulness that kept me going. His constant invitation to me is to live a life of uncertainty with full confidence in His will. To let go and surrender of my own desires and let God be in control of my life.
