“Di mo naman kailangan intindihin lahat, kailangan mo lang maniwala.” These were the very words whispered to me by God.
Back in high school, I grew up striving to be good in everything that I do – in my studies, helping my parents in our livelihood and as an active member of Youth for Christ. I was trying to be better as I knew for a fact that at that point, I was in a place clouded with chaos, with all those bad things that existed; vices in particular. Sadly, my father got drawn to that in order to feed us, and so as to help those who can’t fully support themselves. He was and will always be a good man, but it seemed that such goodness was not sufficient to make things right. We started to have a good life, where I got the things that I wanted although I knew it won’t last long. It ended sooner than I thought.
It was my father’s birthday. We were having dinner when he suddenly left and said that he needs to go somewhere and that he will be back. My brother and I waited for him, but he never returned. A few hours later, we were told that our father has been rushed to the hospital with the assurance that he will be fine. That moment, I knew something bad had happened, of which reflected in my aunt’s eyes. True enough, we received the news that my father has passed away. He was shot on his chest by his friend amid the illegal activities they took part of. It was supposed to be one of the best days which turned out to be a nightmare. I thought I had contained all the pain in my heart, not until my mom gave us a call to wish my dad a happy birthday, and all that’s left for me to say was that he was gone.
Things started to get blurry for me. It was really hard to understand what was happening. I was so angry, I was scared, I wanted revenge, I wanted to blame someone, I really felt lost. I was already a senior in college at that time but I managed to then skip classes and miss a couple of YFC activities. However, amidst all the questions and doubts that I had, it was where God spoke to me so clear. I was so empty that I unconsciously allowed Him to fill me. I was on my knees, seeking answers and even challenging Him to alter the situation to prove that He exists. He then came to me and whispered, “Mitch, di mo kailangan maintindihan lahat, kailangan mo lang maniwala.”
Those words brought me to tears, nevertheless, comforted me and gave me the assurance that indeed, He has always been with us – even in the midst of losing my father. From that moment, I learned to hold on to His promises. I started to fix myself, slowly picking the pieces back up. The YFC Community played a very important role in my life and helped me see better tomorrows ahead. I knew it would be hard for me to continue especially without my father, but God gave me a lot more – my couple coordinators. They consistently made me feel that I can always find a father in them, and with that, things made sense again. I went back to school and finished my degree in Engineering. I also became a leader in the community. Losing my father eventually gave me the drive to really give my heart and passion to the community. I started to believe that through evangelization, there would be no other people as those who took my father from us, as they have encountered God, His love, and His promises.
But God was persistent. He sent messages of hope and redirection through my kuyas, my couple coordinators, my friends, who in their ways, reminded me of where I am and where I should be. Despite all the turn-downs, they did not give up. With their patience and perseverance, I started to respond. I kept on asking them to pray for me, as if I was too reliant on their prayers; until one “ate” uttered lines that urged me to wake up.
“Sa tingin mo masaya tatay mo ngayon sa ginagawa mo? Pinagdadasal ka namin araw-araw, sana ikaw din nagdadasal ka.” It was a straight slap and a wake up call.
I realized how lost I was that moment that I needed to hear all those things to get back on track. I started to put things back into place through confession, reconnecting with people, giving my whole-hearted service to the community, and even as a government employee.
I wasn’t expecting anything else that time as I knew I was still getting back on my feet, not until I was given an enormous opportunity of leading our province again. I was 25. I doubted myself but at the same time, I was reminded of God’s promise. I took it one day at a time, with questions like how would I be able to provide for my family? Am I not too old to serve? Amid all these questions and more, I grew even more reminded.
At 26, I became a Full time Missionary of YFC. I remember one kuya telling me, “Sa wakas nandito ka na!” That time I knew I was never late. It was God’s timing. Everything that I experienced was part of the process to purify my call.
God’s call will never be delayed or advanced; it will always be in His perfect time.
God did not leave my questions unanswered. With the ample allowance I receive, I managed to constantly share it at home. I was even able to help an ANCOP scholar finish her studies. I fulfilled my dreams to travel to different places. It was all God’s abundance and grace.
It was a tough ride. With everything that happened, I am reminded of how He can do anything and everything for us to see and embrace His love. Everyone around us may give up on us, but He won’t and never will. Each of our own progress might be different from our expectations but we should keep in mind and heart that He was, is, and will always be there – you just need to believe.
