Imagine this: you’re a boxer. You trained your whole life for this event. You are ready to fight. However, on the day of the game, all you did in the ring was to run around and avoid the punches. While on the boxing ring, you realized that everything you did that led you up to this fight didn’t prepare you to fight the most important battle and that is yourself.
So, I surrendered everything. The strength that I had in me, my plans and my dreams, I surrendered it all and put it to God’s hands.
In the boxing ring of life, I surrendered to God and I stopped running. I didn’t fear being beaten anymore and that’s when I felt peace. I realized that no matter how I prepare, I will always have that fear because I wasn’t battling the fight that God wanted me to pursue. With that, I surrendered because I know He has greater plans for me than I have for myself.
The Boxing Trainings
Growing, I enjoyed various activities, academic competitions, and extracurricular activities. However, I was always happier whenever I attended CFC activities with my parents and getting all worked up just to pull through a weekly gathering in our school. I love being in the community. I clearly remember my last youth camp before I left for college, I broke down and almost asked my parents to let me stay because I can’t say goodbye to YFC.
Being raised by religious parents, I know where my faith stands. However, I have crossed that thin line from a good person to a person who I thought was good. I even tried doing vices, even consumed by it, at some point. All of these drowned me with guilt and shame. I even got to a point that I was too ashamed to attend Sunday masses. My lifestyle continued for years, and continued to live with guilt and shame.
After college, I decided to rest for a few months before getting back on track in achieving my 10-year plan. In a span of 10 years I wanted to own a car, wear designer shoes, and take up masters then PHD. I was also looking forward to teaching in universities and, eventually, give back to my parents and be able to provide for them. But, sometimes our plans aren’t His plans. An Ate and Kuya kept asking me to serve voluntarily for YFC while waiting to land a job. I can still remember that kuya telling me “You don’t know, after serving, God will put you to a better job, or a good company will call you.”
It was truly inviting but I was hesitant, because I know I have to let go of my months of rest and yes, my vices. However, I brought all my hesitations to God in prayer. I was insistently praying and asking “What does God wants me to do, more than what I want to do in my life?”. All I heard was silence.
However, one night, I decided to browse through my files and while I was at it, I came across a worksheet from my freshmen years. “What is your crazy dream?” and my answer was “I want to become a mission volunteer”. At that moment, I knew what the answer was. It was as if God revealed His answer clearly. My desire to serve Him was awakened, but I did not know where to start.
The Difficult Rounds
I knew that I really had a desire of serving Him but I just don’t know how. So, I started as a mission volunteer for YFC. It was fulfilling and it changed me, from letting go of my vices to becoming a better person. It was with God that I was the happiest and most fulfilled. Certainly, I realized that it is not that the mission needs me. Instead, I need to know more about the mission by serving God because He is enough and He will provide. As the months went by, I realized that I wanted to becomea YFC Fulltime Pastoral Worker.
However, I started to fight again, with the most difficult opponent, and that’s myself. Self-doubt slowly crawled in me again. I was pressured to follow the standards that society had imposed in us. Specifically, that after college, I have to work and find a stable job, and make my parents proud. With these ideas creeping in, I started to become apprehensive in becoming a Fulltime Pastoral Worker. So, after more than a year as volunteer, I decided to work. I enjoyed the financial freedom and I was able to provide for my parents. I took up my Master’s and I also taught as a part-time instructor. I was already on the road to my 10-year plan and I was excited. Looking back, I am amazed how God put everything in order for me to be satisfied and experience worldly desires in just a year. I was holding on to the verse as I continued working, “Delight yourself in the Lord and HE will give you’re the desires and secret petitions of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
The Bell Rang
“Saved by the bell,” is a saying which is common among boxing fights, and it was also what I think that happened to me. I was saved by a loud bell with an accompanying question “ARE YOU NOW SATISFIED? CAN YOU LET MY PLAN FOR YOU HAPPEN THIS TIME?”
And that’s when I knew that I was already in the 12th round and its time for me to wear the belt and be a champion in serving God. I’d be honest; I was afraid and hesitant at first. Of course, I still wanted to continue the fight and, eventually, win and be able to experience the desires and plans that I created for myself. Nonetheless, there was always a loud and resounding question of “Am I ready to accept His plans for me?”
It took a lot of courage and introspection. I realized that all the difficult rounds that I had to fight and all the punches I threw and received were all part of God’s plan. Those exhaustive but rewarding moments were God’s way of preparing me for His plan. Accepting my championship belt, that is to serve God, brought me peace. I knew I won because, for a long time in the ring of life, God did not lose hope in me. He was always there in the crowd, silently rooting for me and pursuing me until it’s the right time for me to win by His side.
I was not afraid anymore to let go of the things I had, the things that I wanted, and the foresight of my personal plans. Honestly, I do not see this as a sacrifice for my YES to His call because of the gratefulness of my heart for His unending pursuit of me.
Of the many times I did not hear Him, of the many times I continued to fight and wanted to win, the moments when I was doubtful of what He can do, He remained persistent and helped me win so, who am I to say no?
